I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
