I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
