dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
