I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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