if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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