i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
