I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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