I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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