it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
