I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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