Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
