Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize