Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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