How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
