Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
