in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
