I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
