my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
