I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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