did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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