he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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