I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
