Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
