Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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