apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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