Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
