It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
