My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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