I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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