Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my poor anus
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
