So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
