The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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