Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
