I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
