The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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