I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
