Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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