Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
