He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
