Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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