I love black thongs
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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