how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
