i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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