I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize