the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
