Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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