she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize