You just made me feel so damn special
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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