things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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