Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.

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(909): View more from California

ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination

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(519): View more from Ontario

So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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(817): View more from Texas

She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die

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(514): View more from Quebec

He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.

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