where am i from again
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize