I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
