Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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