a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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