Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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