I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
