Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
