My liver just broke up with me...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she peed on how many people?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize