i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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