He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
