I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
