My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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