my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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