come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
