mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
