did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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