I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
