she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
