Kareoke will never be a sober sport
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize