FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
