So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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