a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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