just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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