omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just sent this text using only my big toe
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm having to shit out rocks
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