my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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