the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
