sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
