a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
