Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
