Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
