I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Let's get the cat blown out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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