i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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