when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
