I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
