Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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