Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
