the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
