words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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