He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
